another year gone

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Sorting and organizing and trying to make sense of the chaos recently, I found a CD of images my mom had scanned and sent my way. Baby pictures of me. Some with her, some with my grandma, some with my big brother. Some with my papa, like the two shown above.

My own baby girl will be 6 months old next week. And I try not to spend too much time thinking about how she'll never on this earth know her maternal biological grandfather. My papa. 16 years ago, he went on ahead of us all to glory…and I wouldn't wish him back, really, for anything. God always knew the number of his days.

And it's not like Lucy is missing out at all in the grandparent department. My stepdad has been an accomplished grandfather for years, and I'm pretty sure he couldn't love her more if she was his own flesh and blood. I'm not worried that she won't know a loving grandpa…she's got one on each side of the family!

But I want her to somehow know my father, and all I have are some fuzzy photos and typewritten letters and imperfect memories. Imperfect memories of an imperfect man…from his inhuman cheerfulness in the early mornings to his fascination with new technologies to his bizarre attachment to microwave cooking to his thorough enjoyment of a good book or a bitter cold winter day. I think there are a lot of things about me that are very much like him.

Maybe I'd just like Lucy to know that her mother came by some of her oddities honestly :)

1 comment:

Victoria said...

What sweet pictures (& memories), Jen. Though I think Lucy looks much like Dave, it's evident from these photos that she has a lot of you in her, as well.

The picture of you looking at your papa...don't you have one just like it of Lucy looking at Dave? I swear, it's the exact same look!! And the fact that Dave has similar coloring to your father...amazing.

What a day it will be when you are reunited and have the opportunity to introduce your precious daughter to your beloved papa.